It may be April but it is not the April “Showers” I am thinking of.
Have you ever had multiple losses in your life that are overwhelming you and you feel like the pain of grief causes you to feel helpless with so many surprising emotions. You are feeling the results of Cumulative Grief. What is Cumulative Grief? Cumulative grief becomes part of our grief journey when we experience multiple losses and before we have had any time to process that loss we overwhelmed by, yet another loss.
It would be great to think each loss we endure is processed (worked through the pain) and we can integrate it into our lives before we are faced with another grief loss. Often this is not the case and we are faced with multiple losses that have piled more pain upon pain and fear upon fear. Called “Cumulative Grief” or "Grief Overload”.
Is there a way we can truly know that we have grieved the first loss, processed and integrated it into our lives? Grief is so individual that there is no time line or check list for everyone, but we know time is a factor. If we don’t have the time to process or deal with and give the attention needed, it becomes emotionally more that we can handle.
When our brain is overwhelmed with anything our defense mechanism becomes "Avoidance." We experience this in a death loss but it can grow with multiple losses. Denial and shock can be negative if never resolved and avoidance cannot continue indefinitely.
Be aware of the risk of cumulated loss/grief overload. Being aware of the multiple losses in a short period poses unique challenges, this can put you at risk for a grief process that is especially complicated.
Be sensitive to other friends or family member who have suffered multiple losses and are at risk for cumulative grief. We can become absorbed in our own way of grieving when we experience a loss and find dealing with others who grieve differently may be difficult as they may have multiple losses.
Be aware of increased possibility of avoidance or denial in instances of cumulative grief. To make it through one day at a time you may find you are more prone to avoidance than before and may increase the risk of more use of Alcohol and other drugs. Be aware that you must ultimately grief all of those recent losses.
Keep in mind that time is not the only factor in cumulative grief. Though assuming that grief overload occurs only with immediate succession of losses this is not the case. A loss that occurred years before that was not successfully attended to may be brought forward by a new loss and can be overwhelming.
Substance abuse can increase the risk for cumulative grief. When abusing drugs and alcohol people are prone to avoid grieving and going through the pain of grief. This avoidance can leave grief unattended (cumulated) and possibly be re -addressed at another loss years later when no longer using substances.
Age can increase the risk for cumulative grief. Those aging 70, 80 or 90ies experience multiple losses of friends, family, more often than in earlier life. They also experience losses of home, independence and identity. These losses and grief felt are often minimized by society but are cumulated losses to be dealt with . Often the aging population is not as apt to seek out professional help to get through this time of grief they are living with “Grief Overload.”
Grief is as unique as each person we lose, so we cannot rush grieving multiple losses. Each loss must be grieved individually and cannot be lumped together to be dealt with at once. Attention must be spent on each loss in order to integrate them into our lives.
Cumulative grief can put more stress on our faith. When suffering multiple losses our faith can leave us questioning our Higher Power. “Why bad things happen to good people”, but is not always the case. Know it is normal if your faith shakes as a result of cumulative grief overload.
For more information of resources please contact Shirley at 780-846-2576 or 780-871-1750 email wtgriefsupp@xplornet.ca
Submitted by Shirley L Scott, for Walking Through Grief Society
Supported by FCSS ; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Villages of Kitscoty and Marwayne, County Vermilion River and donations.
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