RESPECTING A LOVED ONE’S WISHES

Respecting a loved one’s wishes after they have died is a deeply personal and often emotional responsibility. It is an act of love, remembrance, and integrity. Here are some ways you may approach respecting their wishes:

Understand and Clarify Your Loved One’s Wishes: You can start by reviewing any documents (e.g. wills, advance directives, etc.). It can also be helpful to reflect on any conversations you may have had. When the loss of your loved one has been anticipated, this can sometimes influence the number of conversations you have had regarding their wishes. In other situations when the loss is unexpected, it can make it more difficult to navigate this process. It can be helpful to connect with family members and close friends who may have also had conversations with your loved one.

Carry Out Practical Matters Respectfully: Once you seek to understand your loved one’s wishes, it may be time to carry out their preferences by honouring their specific requests, such as a location for a funeral/celebration of life and burial/cremation preferences. You can also consider whether there is a type of service or no service in their wishes and whether there are any religious customs to implement. Other practical matters include handling the estate and any legal and ethical steps that align with these matters that are outlined in your loved one’s will or trust. In the current age of technology presence, you may also have to consider how to respectfully deal with your loved one’s digital presence including creating a plan for how to handle their social media accounts (e.g. how to get access to the account, deleting accounts, etc.).

Navigate Conflicts with Grace: There may be conflicts that arise during the grieving process and not everyone may agree on how to interpret the deceased’s wishes. Consider your role in this process and try to take an approach that seeks out clarity while being compassionate. Try to keep communication open with others who have played a significant role in your loved one’s life. When things become difficult, use the reminder that the overall goal is to honour your loved one.

Reflect on What It Means to You to Honour Your Loved One: Respecting your loved one’s wishes may allow you to feel at peace. However, this can also be difficult if it does not provide you with feelings of resolution that you may seek in your grieving process. Give yourself permission to grieve your own way, even while carrying out their desires. Connect with your main support network, seek out therapy support, engage in journalling, or allow yourself to step back as needed. You can respect your loved one’s wishes by also respecting your boundaries and how these may change as you navigate your grief.

It can take time to feel like you have respected your loved one’s wishes. Ongoing reflection is an expected part of the grieving process, and will hopefully aid in your process of feeling like you have done your best to honour their wishes.

Submitted by: Walking Through Grief Society                                                             

Funded by FCSS; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Village of Kitscoty, and County of Vermilion River.