A common question from those grieving is: “Will I ever find purpose in my life again?” Finding purpose is challenging and takes committed working through, however, with time it can happen.
There may be many reasons why we disengage from life, and withdraw socially and
emotionally. It is protective and adaptive when you only have so much energy to focus where
needed (survival for day to day). The urge to retreat from life in the short-term is normal.
Retreating may lead you cut yourself off from sources of support, coping skills and positive
emotion and hope. Therefore, it is important to become aware of this impact to ensure retreating does not become your norm for the long-term.
There are many reasons that people retreat from others during their grief journey. You may
relate with the following common reasons for retreating:
You feel distracted or as though you can’t focus on anything other than your loss/grief.
You feel like you have to conserve your energy to deal with the emotion and stress of
grief.
You feel as though the things you once enjoyed now seem meaningless or unimportant.
You disengage from activities because they remind you of your loved one.
You feel anxious about social interaction or being emotional in front of others.
The world no longer feels like a safe and reliable place.
Engaging in activities feels like a betrayal or as though you’re “moving on”
You think you will feel better in time, so you decide to stay at home and wait it out.
A common therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, uses a tool called “Behavioural Activation” to help increase activity, social support, well-being, positive feelings, and confidence. This tool can be helpful for grief. It requires a conscious effort and willingness to move forward rather than retreat. It may not be a steady move forward and may at times seem to plateau or regress.
Remember that you are worth the effort. By engaging in behavioural activation you may launch yourself into finding new outlets, connecting with supportive friends, journaling, exploring art or music, participating in exercise, and/or locating a support group experiencing similar grief. The following steps may help with starting your behavioural activation:
1. Ask yourself, what does my typical day look like? Write it down.
2. Make a plan and include a friend in that plan.
3. Implement the plan, check back to step 1. Look at what works best to fit into your day.
Involve a friend as an accountability person.
4. Jump in and do it. Don’t excuse yourself out. Pay attention to how you are feeling.
Compare how you felt at your worst and do you feel any better.
5. Be prepared for the hard work of finding purpose again. It will be difficult but believe that it will be worth it in time.
Submitted by: Walking Through Grief Society
Funded by FCSS; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Villages of Kitscoty and Marwayne and County of Vermilion River.