OUR PERCEPTION OF TIME WHILE GRIEVING

Navigating grief can have a significant impact on our perception of time. Many people describe feeling a distorted view of time, whether it is the way hours pass in the day, how the weeks and months go by, or even how years pass. It may feel that time moves too fast or too slow. Others feel that their perspective of things like time restraints or time pressures seemed to diminish following the loss of a loved one. Reflecting on time in terms of past, present, and future can provide one way to think about the perception of time while grieving.

Perception of the Past: There may be feelings of longing for past times, prior to a loved one’s

death. It is common for people to think about themselves as who they were before and after the loss. Our perception of the past can become a little complicated at times. Sometimes are memories may be skewed towards a positive or negative end, depending on how we remember our time spent with our loved one. Emotions can be difficult to process especially if we feel guilt for not spending enough time with the deceased or relief if our loved one had been enduring illness prior to the loss. It is particularly important to allow time to process these memories.

Perception of the Present: Grief can function as a harsh reality check. We are thrown into

recognizing how short life can feel. This can propel people into soaking up life and making the most of their time with others. However, this reality can also lead many to experience

helplessness and/or hopelessness regarding the limited time we have. Another aspect of grief in the present is that some people shift towards putting less emphasis on time restraints. Rather than focusing on others’ expectations of their time, many people begin prioritizing their own values and how that applies to their use of time. Engaging in reflections on how we are managing our day-to-day demands can be beneficial as we process our loss.

Perception of the Future: Sometimes thinking long term can feel impossible. It may be scary,

disappointing, heartbreaking, or even hopeless. We had envisioned aspects of our future lives with our loved one, and may find it hard to think forward knowing our plans will be altered. Many express changes in their identity depending on the relationship of the loss (e.g. parent, partner, sibling). This is a main reason why staying in the past or present may feel like a safer place to be. When ready, reflections on how identity can shift while also honouring a loved one, can help ease the transition to thinking about the future.

By integrating our perceptions of time with reflections of the past, present, and future, we can allow ourselves to move forward in a way that feels best for our individual experiences, without forgetting our loved one.

Submitted by: Walking Through Grief Society

Funded by FCSS; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Village of Kitscoty, and County of Vermilion River.