Submitted by:
Walking Through Grief Society contact Shirley at 780-846-2576 or 780-871-1750
“ Our history” is wrapped up in our parent’s lives and when they die our history is untold.
“Our present” is in our Spouse /Companion’s lives and when one dies the present is severed.
Today I would like to focus on “Our Future,” our children. When the death of a child occurs,
whether from pregnancy, still born, infant loss, loss of child or youth or an adult child the World Assumption, that the elderly die first, is shattered. The parent role is seen as protector,
teacher, nurturer and when life ceases at any age the parent’s mind often is filled with
emotions of guilt, anger, blame of self and others and the why’s and what if’s. It is said the
loss of a child is the worst loss and more difficult to work through the grief. Those impacted
by the loss of a child would surly agree. The future with that person is gone as are the dreams (death of dreams). For some the loss of their child is sudden and traumatic, which increased the work of morning and grief and leaves loved ones with so many emotions needing to be acknowledged and dealt with. The reality and shock leaves loved ones somewhat frozen in their grief and struggling to cope daily. A great hole has been left in the family’s life and for each individual in the family. Relationships suffer and often break apart. Communication barriers are when words often can’t express what one is really feeling. This is yet another grief to deal with.
Remember the grandparents, too. Grandparents grieve too, both the loss of a grandchild
and the pain of their children’s loss and grief. Acknowledge and support grandparents as their loss is great too. Grandparents may quietly remain in the background but are feeling their pain and helplessness, too.
Siblings are so often overlooked as experiencing their deep grief and watching their parents
who are in such emotional pain. They are in need of a supportive person, group or counsellor, as their lives have changed forever too.
Society often puts a burden on those who have had a child die ( called- disenfranchised
grief). Comments such as; “You never got to know your baby, or you can have another.” For the child or youth who died in an accident or other trauma death the comment might be, “ Parents should have been parenting better.”
For those who have had an adult child die and are elderly parents the comment is “The parent is elderly so they won’t feel the loss."
There is hope amidst the pain. There will be symptoms that affects the whole of you as a
person, feelings that are overwhelming. You may even feel frozen. Seek out support for your
grief journey -the deepest-darkest pain. There is support by finding a friend who understands to talk with, a counsellor or support group. Please access one of these and talk through the pain.
For children seek a support and a place for them to talk and be heard and work through their
pain. A suggestion is the Hope After Loss – Audra’s Legacy program which begins in September for 10 weeks for 6-16 year olds.
For those who grieve, be gently with yourselves as you go through your grief and feel
overwhelming pain . Seek support, take some time and space and find people and places that are a comfort. Carry on your days in small portions.
For those who support, reach out, forget the cliché, and really seek to understand. Listen
with your heart and be a companion.
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