May is the month we recognize mothers. What are all the emotions and memories the word Mother evokes? Are all thoughts of Mother positive? If one should say NO does that cause feelings of guilt, when we think of how we should feel. Do we stuff feelings or hide real emotions?
There will be memories to share but there will be pain to be felt upon thinking of Mother and Mother’s Day.
For the Mother who has experienced the death of a child, whether prior to birth or in their senior years the pain or loss remains and both are often overlooked in their loss and painful memory journey.
For the mother who experiences the “death of a dream” of being a parent and are often overlooked, as well, and they are expected to carry on with no sense of sadness and anger at their loss.
For the child who has experienced the death o a mother when they are very young to the adult child who feels very much like the small child, abandoned and needing that nurturing person in their lives.
For the child or adult child who has experienced the death of a Grandma, who was filling the role of mother and grandmother, that child experiences a double loss, of both Grandparent and Mother.
For some the loss of mother will not cause feelings of sadness bur rather pain, anger, guilt and blame as they remember abuse, neglect, fear, abandonment and physical and emotional neglect. They will also experience the death of a dream of what their mother could have been.
It is a good time to remember Mother, to recognize and address the emotions that surround the name Mother, and recognize that each person is on a unique journey, just as each person’s relationship with their mother was unique.
What can be done with all the emotions that death loss and dream loss evoke? The anger, guilt, blame and sometimes shame that is carried. Sometimes these emotions are carried for many years dragging a person down and causing not only physical illnesses but mental anguish.
This year could we give ourselves permission to accept the emotions and feelings and embrace our grief loss and pain, as being a normal part of grief and find forgiveness for our selves, firstly and then work toward finding forgiveness of those who have contributed to our dream loss. Can we look for safe people and places to share the memory of that pain experience and in so doing begin self acceptance and begin the journey toward healing? Finding gratitude in our hearts for the mother’s who have been our life line and forgiveness and gratitude for the mothers’ who were not all we envisioned them to be .
Seek out the support you need not only now but when emotions are weighing heavy on you. A counsellor, trusted friend, or a support group, such as Walking Through Grief Society, to begin your healing journey.
Submitted by Shirley L Scott Walking Through Grief Society 780-846-2576 / 780-871-1750
Supported by FCSS, City of Lloydminster, Town of Vermilion and Wainwright, Village of Kitscoty and Marwayne and County of Vermilion River.
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