There is a change in the season and there are changes on our grief journey.
Changes and good-byes care painful and times of fear of what the future will be like.
The feeling of life “out of control” and fears of adjusting to a new and different course in
our lives. Acceptance is not an overnight happening but a gradual change, just as the
seasons. It can be a time of an emotional roller- coaster.
When in this time in our lives we need to look at how we are going to cope. We need
some coping tools for our emotional grief garden.
1. LOOKING AT LIFE’S ALTERNATIVES: Acceptance of life as it is now and
having the courage and ability to look at choices and changes that will happen for
the tomorrows. Life is like a river ever changing and moving. We cannot stay
rooted in the pain of today or a fixed picture of what life “is,” we have to be open to
there being an alternative to where we are now.
2. USING OUR MEMORIES: (Sum total of what we can remember.) Persons and
relationships never die but become memories. We can take back some control of
our lives and our grief journey when we are in charge of our memories and can
recall good ones and shut out bad ones. Sometimes those memories will cause
tears but later on our journey we will be able to laugh and cry too. Embrace the
past but hold it gently as you move forward.
3. VERBALIZE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS TO A SUPPORT PERSON: Finding
and utilizing that support person or group is a vital tool to healing and moving
forward. Sharing without shame or fear, feelings of “crazy”, anger, sadness, joy or
relief, are all a part of the grief journey. “No man is an island unto himself.” We need
people to talk to, to heal and become a new wholeness. Do not forget the children
and other members of the family who are all on their own journey, too. We can
share the gift of honesty, with ourselves and the others in our family and have a
concern with where they are on their journey. We can encourage and listen to
their feelings and emotions and help them find supportive people.
4. BEGIN THE USE OF PROBLEM SOLVING: a) Look at what problem you are
facing and state it. (b) Begin to express how you feel about it. (c) Find a
trustworthy person to share what you are experiencing. (d) Seek support and
insight from others who are in similar situations. (e) Realize you are the only
person you can change.
Get out those coping tools, take courage, you are in charge of tending your grief garden.
Submitted by Shirley L Scott , Walking Through Grief Society 780-846-2576
Supported by FCSS City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright,
Villages of Kitscoty and Marwayne and County of Vermilion River 24
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