Some aspects of life lead to expected types of change, which may include birth, graduation, relocation, marriage, and career transitions. Grief can be a more unexpected change that is often associated with negative aspects. As we cope with grief, we can work towards accepting that grief is change, and that there can be space for the negative, neutral, and potentially positive things than can come from the grieving process.
When we lose a loved one, this can lead us into changing our routines, our interactions with others, our availability, and ourselves. We may be functioning in survival mode to get though the days and not fully notice the extent of the changes that we must make. Our sleep routines may be impacted, our energy levels may be decreased, and depending on our coping abilities, we may find ourselves choosing to avoid other people or become more isolated. These can be more difficult aspects of change.
For many, there can also be a fear of not changing as a result of grief. There can be a lot of guilt associated with “moving on” through our grief journey. If we navigate this “too quickly,” it may seem like we have not changed enough because of the loss. However, if we take “too long” to grieve, then we may feel that it has changed our lives too much. These assumptions and expectations can largely be impacted by a lack of understanding of the grieving process. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Allow yourself to navigate the changes that come while you take your own pace with grieving. Taking a more neutral stance on the changes as being something that must happen with grief, can help reduce any feelings of guilt.
While you move through the grief journey, you can also be open to other aspects of change that may feel more helpful or positive. For example, you may open yourself up to increased interactions with others by relying on family and friends for support. Or perhaps you prioritize your well-being to take extra care of yourself while you adjust to the changes of losing a loved one. You may find yourself changing your availability or saying no to others’ expectations as a way of prioritizing how to accept the changes in yourself. It could also be beneficial to embrace the grieving process by seeking the support of a therapist or religious leader to help you understand your experiences of grief and change.
It can be hard to accept the changes that result from grief. You are not alone in your journey. Make time for yourself to see that grief is change and explore the negative, neutral, and positive aspects of this change.
Submitted by : Walking Through Grief Society
Funded by FCSS; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Villages of Kitscoty and Marwayne and County of Vermilion River.