Submitted by: Walking Through Grief Society – Shirley L Scott
Supported by FCSS City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Villages of Kitscoty and Marwayne, County of Vermilion River and donations.
For those who are on this grief journey, realize you are on the hardest journey of your life? Often the journey seems too hard to navigate and we want to turn inward and shut out the world. Nothing is familiar. Your lives have changed forever but you are expected to carry on. How can we do this when it is a new journey, life is changed forever, and we feel broken in mind soul and body. Often the journey seems too hard to navigate and we turn inward. Question- Is this where our loved one would want us to be? My challenge has always been: “What we do with the rest of our lives is how we can honour the one we love and value”.
Remember in the hard journey there are some factors that add to the weight of our grief and need to be considered.
In “Understanding Grief, Helping Yourself Heal”. Dr. Alan Wolfelt lists factors that have a part to play in our unique journey.
1. The Nature of the relationship with the person who died.
2. Circumstances surrounding the death.
3. Circumstances surrounding your support system.
4. Your unique personality.
5. Unique personality of the person who died.
6. Your own cultural background.
7. Your Religious or Spiritual background.
8. Other Crisis or Stressors in your life.
9. Your biological sex
10. Ritual of Funeral Experience.
Remember to be gentle with yourself as you work through your grief (You are doing the best that you can at this time). Learn all you can about the journey you are on and you will survive, one day at a time.
The other part of our topic and question .WHO WILL BE THERE TO COMPANION US ON THIS JOURNEY THROUGH GRIEF?
A command in a very famous book (the Bible) says “Love one Another”. Companioning is love in action.
The question often asked is, what can I do?
From those who journey through this grief are some suggestions:
PLEASE DON’T
· Ask if I am over it yet.
· Tell me that they are in a” better place”.
· Say God never gives more than I can bear.
· Say “At least they are not suffering”.
· Say “I know how you feel”, unless you have had a loss the same way.
· Ask “Are you feeling better?”, grief is not a condition that clears up.
· Suggest to get busy and not to think about my loss.
· Say to grieve alone and not with others as it may upset them.
· Don’t suggest that I find another companion, have a baby or there was a right time to die.
On the other hand:
PLEASE DO:
· Let me tell you my story and I may need to tell you again and again.
· Understand I am confused and hurting, not stupid.
· Let me cry when I need to, try not to be uncomfortable and fix me. I won’t cry forever.
· Give a hug or touch me or hold my hand. When there are no words a touch says you care.
· Say my loved one’s name. They are alive in the griever’s heart, loved and important.
· Try to be real with me. If you tell me you don’t know what to say we can work on that together.
· Join, if you can, with us to share our pain in the celebration, memorial of my loved one.
· Be willing to share in memory the anniversary, birth date and death date. We have not forgotten.
Sent from the desk of Sherri Lee Langlois- Solace Grief Service
To Contact of for more information contact: Shirley at 780-846-2576
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