October 15th is a time set aside across the country to remember and support those families who have experienced the pain and grief of, miscarriage, still birth, infant loss due to SIDS and other causes. This is a time to remember the loss that took a little treasure, a little angel, far too soon. Often this is a time that remembering becomes a lonely journey, as those around are uncomfortable with how to support grieving families. There often is an uncomfortable feeling in recognizing that the infant was part of a family and someone the community never got to know. Those who have suffered such a great loss may feel that they don’t have a right to grieve (disenfranchised) and their grief is turned inward.
This is a time for the community to become aware of those who grieve and “seek to understand” the impact of such a loss for parents and also siblings and grandparents.
For you, the parents, we honor you as you remember the anticipation of being a parent, to now having empty arms. This has become the beginning of an emotional “roller coaster” of anger, fear, guilt, blame, depression, anxiety and so many more. You have experienced one of life’s greatest losses and you “grieve.” For grandparents you are experiencing a double grief as you grieve with and for your children but also for the grandchild you were to enjoy.
Some thoughts: your grief will take time to work through, it is a journey you must make and hopefully you will have found those who will companion you on the journey.
· Self care is important, even if you don’t care about yourself. Eating healthy and resting
· Express yourself and find a safe person to talk about feelings. Find an outlet, for example journaling, walking, exercise.
· Seek out resources: book, articles, credible information on internet or a support group.
· Build a support network; friends, family, support group or faith community.
· Be understanding of your partners needs. At times it is difficult to comfort each other.
Find others you can lean on in difficult times.
A parent’s thoughts in poetry:
Forever In My Heart
You are forever in my heart
the day will come I know
when all the rain has fallen
and the sun begins to show.
I’ll think of you in all I do
your warmth will touch my face
you’ll twinkle in the starlight
and be held in each embrace.
So please do not be saddened
if a tear for you I shed
but we had dreams and wishes
which I’ll safely keep instead.
In every day and every way
you’ll always be a part
My precious little angel
Your forever in my heart.
RESOURCES
Contact Shirley at 780-846-2576 0r 780-871-1750 or email wtgriefsupp@xplornet.ca for more information or to receive a package of materials.
Remember to light your candle on October 15th.
Submitted by: Shirley L Scott for Walking Through Grief Society
Supported by FCSS; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Villages of Kitscoty and Marwayne, County of Vermilion River and public donations.
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