DEMENTIA – WILL MY LOVED ONE REMEMBER ME?

In the homes where dementia has entered, the question “will my loved one remember me?” may be asked on repeat. We may feel that there is no clear answer to this question, which can bring up a type of grief and loss that can often leaves a person feeling like they are living in limbo.

The Fisher Center for Alzheimer's Research Foundation based in New York seeks to share information about these unknown questions for families navigating dementia and Alzheimer’s.

The foundation provided the following explanation related to the question of whether your loved one will remember you: “You are still inside their hearts and minds and always will be. Their memory of you just can’t be retrieved at certain points in time.”

So how do we navigate this type of grief and loss that comes when our loved one is living with dementia? It can be helpful to put a name to these experiences. The Alzheimer’s Society of Canada offers the term “ambiguous loss” described as “a type of loss you feel when a person with dementia is physically there but may not be mentally or emotionally present in the same way as before.” Ambiguous loss is a different experience than sudden loss, which often allows for a more traditional grieving process.

To help you navigate the limbo feeling that comes with the question of whether your loved one remembers you, the following ideas may be useful:

1. Make meaningful connections with your loved ones. Whether it be through an activity

such as a puzzle or listening to a song, focusing on what you and your loved one can do

together in any given moment can help you be present and focus less on whether they

recognize you on any given day.

2. Focus on your loved one’s strengths at the different stages of dementia. This can help

you move forward with them, which supports them and also helps you process your grief

as they continue to change.

3. Hold onto the reality that you are deep with in your loved one’s heart but not necessarily

on their mind during any particular day. They may call you by someone else’s name,

which can often bring up difficult emotions. Reminding yourself that you are deep in their

heart can help you move through these emotions.

4. Get support for yourself. Consider finding a caregiver’s support group or seek out

individual counselling to create a safe space for yourself to grieve. Caregiver burnout is

a quite common experience for individuals who have a loved one navigating dementia. It

can be hard to prioritize your own wellness in the process, but this can make a

significant difference in how you are able to be there for your loved one in the long run.

5. Access resources. The Alzheimer’s Society of Canada and The Fisher Center for

Alzheimer's Research Foundation are two examples of the resources available that can

remind you that you are not alone in this journey.

Submitted by: Walking Through Grief Society

Funded by FCSS; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Village of Kitscoty; and County of Vermilion River.