Have you ever heard someone ask this question or have you asked it of yourself? When
someone is grieving there is a sense of feeling out of the normal. After all, you are on a new
journey, and you may long to have some control and normalcy back in your life. It would be
easier if there was only one way to grieve but remember we are all unique with unique journey through grief. We have unique personalities, circumstances around our loss, stressors, cultural influences, and varied supportive relationships.
One descriptive that most people relate to during their grief journey is that it feels like it hurts. Grief involves the total person with changed perspectives, world view, attitudes and often role changes. This can lead to emotional pain and wondering if this is the “right way” to grieve.
What is the purpose of going through the emotional pain? Dr. Alan Wolfelt, an expert on grief and loss, states “you have to feel the pain in order to heal the pain.” Another expert, Dr. Nancy Reeves, offers the perspective that “we grieve for the implication and meaning of the loss and the intrapersonal (how it effects self esteem and self image) and interpersonal (how it effects relationships , roles and status).”
The grief process is somewhat like a spider web. Strands are connected yet we can’t tell
beforehand which strand we will need to travel on. So, when you find yourself questioning
whether your grief is “normal,” remember to be gentle with yourself while knowing your
journey is the right way for you to move forward through grief.
The following mantras may be helpful for your journey:
I will be patient with myself and understand that grief often involves moving two steps forward and one back.
I will reach out to others for help when I need support.
I will avoid abusing substances as a way to temporarily minimize my pain.
I will care for myself physically.
I will not isolate myself from friends, hobbies, and activities.
I will avoid making major life decisions until I have worked the grief steps.
I will grieve in my own time and not by how others think I should grieve.
I will create a time and space to honor my emotions.
I will understand that grief reconciliation takes time, and I will commit to the journey even if
relief comes slower than I would like.
I will remember that moving through grief often involves feeling painful and intense emotions.
I will remember that when I complete my grief work successfully, I can have a rich, although
different life.
Submitted by : Walking Through Grief Society
Supported by FCSS; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Villages of
Kitscoty and Marwayne and County of Vermilion River.