SHARING: Find a safe person to share the burden of grief will help the moving forward through the grief process. Sharing thoughts, feelings , time and most of all love is good.
EXPECTATIONS: Don’t be disappointed if others don’t have all the support needed. Find more that one good listener. Others may be carrying burdens in their lives too.
HELP or HINDER: Others may want to help but may not understand the lack of energy, sleeping or eating problems and range of emotions. Try not to judge them. Remember before grief the lack of understanding possessed? Help them to seek to understand the journey by gently telling them .
ORDER OUT OF CHAOS: When loss and grief happen in lives, life becomes out of control. Try to gain some order and routine in the day. Like putting the dishes away or sweeping the floor.ie putting something in its place.
SEEK SUPPORT: Look for support in all the right places. Not just family and friends as they all have busy lives too. Find support groups for those who grieve, Counsellors to confide in and support sites on line. (Check them out to make sure they are really supportive).
CARING FOR SELF: Those who grieve are the last persons to care about self at this time, but are worth it. Supporting the immune system at this time with good nutrition, exercise, rest, reduced alcohol and other substances is important. Build coping skills and find a balance between work, rest and positive activities.
AWE and GRATITUDE: Focus who is important in life and not on who is no longer in it. Remember gratitude and the loved one but slowly begin to shift focus to life , living and future. How can we honor our loved one by how we live our future?
IT’S OK TO LAUGH AND CRY: The heavy weight of grief can cloud our minds and the expectations put on self. Find joy in the little things. Be childlike hopeful, sadness coming like waves, while still looking to the future. Try to be in the present. Don’t be shocked to hear your own laughter. Give self permission and don’t feel guilt for a moment of happiness. Laughing and crying is good for heath .
GRIEF IS HARD WORK: Take time to rest the mind and body. So much time has been spent on reflecting over the illness or accident and how to adjust to a new life without that person in it. Quiet time is a healing time and is as vital as activities.
WHY AND HOW COME: Some questions may never have answers. Trying to make sense and meaning of what has happened is part of the mourner’s journey but doesn’t change the outcome.
STAYING SAFE: Those who grieve are often more vulnerable and misunderstood and can be taken advantage of. Grief is individual but it is good to know those who have a commonality and where one feels understood.
THE BIG PICTURE: When death claims a loved one we sense our mortality. A parent’s death we become “next generation”, a child’s death we feel the guilt of still being alive after them, and a spousal loss there is that loss of purpose. In these time you may seek spiritual guidance , counselling or group support. Have a list of 5 “go to” friends that you can call for emotional support and a companion to journey with you so your journey isn’t so lonely.
May your journey through grief become a gentle sadness shared by companions.
Submitted by Walking Through Grief Society - 780-846-2576/ 780-871-1750c
Funded by local FCSS funders.
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