MASKED GRIEF

Masked grief is a type of grief in which a person does not recognize or acknowledge that their emotional or physical symptoms are actually related to a loss. Instead of expressing sorrow or mourning in a way that's typically recognized as grief (like crying or talking about the deceased), they might show it in indirect ways that may include experiencing physical pain, feeling irritable, overworking themselves, or engaging in risky behaviour. Masked grief can be confusing for the individual because they generally do not recognize their grief, and it can be confusing for family and friends to understand how to best support their loved ones.

When people feel that they need to move on quickly from their loss, this can lead to masked grief. It is also common for individuals who may not feel that their loss is valid. For example, if someone loses a pet, if they lose a former partner, or if they lose a baby due to miscarriage, they may be more likely to feel like they must move on because these losses are not always recognized as significant in society.

There are many signs that could indicate a loved one is experiencing masked grief. You may notice that they experience sudden changes in their behaviour (e.g. engaging in more risky behaviour, such as alcohol or drug use) or changes in their mood (e.g. angrier than is typical for the person). Additional sudden changes may be noticed in how someone identifies physical health concerns. Often, when someone is experiencing masked grief, their immune system may be impacted, and they could be experiencing more illness than usual. Physical pain can also be more pronounced as the psychological aspects of grief and pain overlap with how the body shows grief and pain. Another sign of masked grief is avoidance of talking about the loss or putting one’s effort solely into work.

If you suspect a loved one may be experiencing masked grief, there are several approaches you can consider for supporting them. You can take a curious stance asking if they have noticed any changes in themselves and remind them that grief shows up in different ways. You can normalize grief and loss regardless of the type of loss they experienced – acknowledging loss that is less recognized by society might be powerful for your loved one. You can offer to engage with them in outlets that you could work on together, such as walking and talking or attending a yoga class together. You may also want to suggest professional support for your loved one to be able to speak with someone who specializes in navigating different types of grief and loss.

Detecting masked grief can be difficult because of the way it presents itself. It is hoped that by knowing some of the signs and strategies for support, you may feel better equipped to support your loved ones if this may be their experience.

Submitted by: Walking Through Grief Society                                                                 

Funded by FCSS; City of Lloydminster, Towns of Vermilion and Wainwright, Village of Kitscoty, and County of Vermilion River.